Eris's New Groove
by Turtlefoot
Summary: Eris has been framed! As a punishment for her "crime" she has been changed into a mortal. But little did the gods know, she retains some of his goddess powers. Thinking she is a demigod, she is taken to Camp Half-Blood. Here, her real trouble starts...
1. Why me!

It's nice being a goddess. Being able to do pretty much WHATEVER you want, messing with mortals, having parties, you know the life! Well, those royalties I do NOT take for granted, especially my immortality. I mean, in this day and age, the silly knucklehead immortals just swing it around like it was, I don't know, there demigod child something! But no, I Eris, goddess of chaos, spirit of discord (dun dun DUN!) is smart enough to keep my own immortal well-being as my top priority. Of course…until I am falsely accused of something I didn't do and it is taken away.

So there we were, up on Mount Olympus in a mansion, Ares's private party in full swing. I was dancing with a hot guy, Dionysus was making wine sprout from his ears, Ares was no where to be found, Aphrodite was no where to be found, everything was going GREAT! The strobe lights and booming music made me slip away from all my chaotic duties.

"You look pretty," The guy (what's his name? Apollo? I dunno. He was drunk) whispered in my ear.

Of course I looked great. I was in a sparkly red dress, no shoes, no make-up, hair down and crazy but still I looked awesome. Gods can choose what age they look so for tonight I choose to be a teenager. It's easier and more free that way.

Everything was fine. Until…my sister showed. A cold breeze sweeped through the room. Nemesis, goddess of revenge (once again, DUN DUN DUN!) She burst through the entrance, all decked out in biker clothes, leather everywhere I looked, and I didn't look much. She had her whip in her hand and the ever-present stern look like she was a biker business woman.

I regret this but she looked good. Her large black wings were tucked neatly in her back, while mine were loosely unfolded. But, with her that could easily change.

I punched away the boy I was dancing with, about to give Nemesis a piece of my mind. I just so happens, the boy I pushed fell into another couple, who fell down on another couple, who fell down on Dionysus, who, being disrupted from him drunken wine trick, made them all go insane. Yeah, that happens a lot with me.

"What the Zeus are you doing here?" I asked her, almost sure that Ares's hadn't invited her, only because she's a minor god. I am too but I and Ares are tight.

"I am here on a personal favor. Lady Aphrodite invited me." I gasped. That skank.

"Did someone say my name?" A voice called from the doors. Aphrodite was coming towards us, looking a little disheveled, trying to fix her wrinkled black skinny dress. Just behind her I saw Ares stumble out, where a big smile on his face. Doesn't that just put a lovely picture in your head?

Aphrodite, making girls jealous since she sprang from sea-foam, smiled when she saw Nemesis.

"Thank you for coming Nemesis, it is a pleasure to work with you." Her voice was like honey, poison seeping through it.

"Your welcome my lady. The messenger of Justice has come to help you. Now, were do we start?" Nemesis eyed me "Should we take this discussion some place else?"

Aphrodite gave me a disapproving look, beautiful eyes suddenly sparked with ferocity then nodded, "Let's go."

They turned, and left.

I could have just let them walk away. I mean, I could have just started dancing with that random guy again or gone over to Ares and talked about his little "adventure" with his girlfriend. But that's no fun!

As soon as they were out the door, I followed, feet light on the ground, not making a sound. I silently opened the door and trailed them down a long elegant hall way.

Once, Aphrodite look back but I blended into the shadows, a trick Hades taught me when we were…never mind. Just read the myths.

So Aphrodite and Nemesis slipped into a small room, a study. They slammed the door before I could get in, so I pressed my ear hard against the door. Aphrodite's high pitched, cruel voice was easy to hear.

"I can't believe him! The nerve!" Aphrodite was mad. No, more than mad. So mad the door got all hot and started bubbling. I had to jump away in order not to burn myself…oh wait I'm immortal…haha.

As soon as the door cooled down I tried listening again. Nemesis tried to settle Aphrodite down who was having a panic attack.

"Now, now my lady. Just tell me what's wrong."

Aphrodite stifled a sob, "Well, I was walking in my garden spying on Ares who was in the pool, because lately he seemed a little…distracted. So as I'm peeking through the Rhododendron bushes, I see him and another woman well…kissing. I got closer and was shocked to find that it was…Eris.

I almost busted that door down. That was a complete, total, utterly gross lie! Ares is like, my brother! And I do not believe in incest! Ick just disgusting!

But Nemesis just grunted in agreement, "I could see Eris doing that. She never did like you. Maybe because she was jealous of you and Ares. What do you suggest I do? I would do anything to right this wrong. I am strongly against affairs."

Gah! The nerve of them! Nemesis knows me! She knows I'm not like that! I've already had my set of immortal children (my little Kakodaimones, so cute!) and I'm not looking for another godly lover…I'm into mortals right now and demigods. It's a phase. I'll get over it.

Anyway, I made a fatal mistake of breathing a little too hard in my rage. So next thing I new, the door swung open with my head still pressed against the door. I fell onto Aphrodite's heels which, by the way, is just an awful thing to do.

"You!" Aphrodite hissed and ripped me up by my hair, which actually hurt. Aphrodite was seething mad, practically glowing with ire. Her soft brown eyes were now hard and black.

Nemesis came behind her, a smug smile on her face, "Lady Aphrodite, I have an idea to deal with her, to get her out of your hair for some time, maybe even forever."

Oh crap. I did not like that smile Nemesis had on her beautiful face. That meant trouble. I had to get out of here.

I swung my barefoot hard at Aphrodite's shin, my long, maybe too long, toenails scrapping her thin shaved legs that look like they should be in a Venus razor commercial…haha get it? Venus is her Roman equivalent? Ehhh….never mind.

Aphrodite growled and let go of me so I took off, running down the hallway, hoping if I get as far as the party room that maybe Ares will help me and all will be good and Aphrodite will realize it wasn't me.

But I didn't even get halfway down the hallway.

Nemesis had advantages-whips and claws.

While I had…my Apple of Discord…oh yes.

I reached up to my necklace, a solid Stygian chain with a golden apple pendent. I yanked off the charm and it instantly grew into a shiny, golden, tantalizing apple. I smiled. This was certainly my pride and joy.

Nemesis was flying, literally up in the air flying, through the hallway. When she almost had me she flicked her whip and caught me around the ankle.

But I threw back my apple, hitting her on the head with a _thunk!_

I heard Aphrodite scream in agony. Maybe my forbidden fruit worked! But next thing I knew, something soared through the air and smashed on my head.

Aphrodite's hoarse laugh filled the hallway, "You think that little vegetable is going to help you! I've already had my dealings with that putrid thing! It has caused us enough pain. No longer will I be tempted again."

"IT'S A FRUIT!" I screamed.

"Oh, whatever." Aphrodite strutted up and crouched down on the ground, "Now, Eris, are you ready to taste justice? You have no boundaries do you? You and your children, you're disgusting. They are a bane on Olympus. It would be better off if you joined those filthy mortals on Earth, who live and breathe chaos. You would fit right in wouldn't you?"

Nemesis laughed, "Yes she would. My Lady, I think you will be very pleased with my punishment based on the words you just said."

Nemesis stepped on top of me, her weight pressing me against the floor, I screamed but Nemesis forced my mouth shut.

I heard her get out something from a bag. There was a popping, like of a cork and suddenly, Nemesis flipped me, he foot now on my stomach. She was holding a vile containing red liquid. My heart stopped. No. Not that.

I clenched my jaw shut as she stooped down, revenge gleaming in her eyes. I took my chin and thrust it down, and no matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't get lose. The red fluid dripped into my mouth, burning as it slid down my throat. My strength was fading, my head was going fuzzy and eyes blurred.

Nemesis raised her hand over me and chanted some words I couldn't understand in my state. But I did understand this-

"Oh mighty Zeus, this minor goddess has done wrong is deserves to be punished. Please take away her immortality until she is fit to return from Earth as a new person, free of slander." No. Zeus won't let Nemesis do that. No. He couldn't…

The thunder rumbled and lights flickered. Zeus had let it be. No! This can't be happening. My eyes fluttered shut and I tried to spit up the red liquid. I don't know if I succeeded because I soon faded into black…


	2. Why here!

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I awoke to the sound of merry little birds chirping. There was a cool breeze that held the sweet aroma of lavender and strawberries. My arms hugged a soft brown teddy bear while my head rested on a downy pillow with a heart stitch into it. I suddenly felt a wave of nausea bubble up inside me. How did I end up in this Hades hole? I sat up like I just got stung, screaming like a banshee. Greeting me with pained expressions as they slapped their hands over their bleeding ears were Argus, Chiron, and Dionysus. Yes, I know who they are. Argus, the man of thousand eyes and a famous peeping tom, Chiron, a stuck up My Little Pony, and Dionysus, that one guy who likes to party.

Party…oh, I get it. I decided to clear everything up.

"Look, Ponyboy, I appreciate you giving me a ride to your place, being a designated driver is cool and all but…" Chiron looked at me and rolled his wheelchair over to where I was sitting. He gave me a kind look that would make Hades hug him. But at the same time he seemed to be scrutinizing me, like I had something on my face and neck. I rubbed my neck nervously

"Miss, I'm not really sure what you're talking about but I'm sure we will get everything worked out. Now may I ask your name?"

I gave the centaur a disgusted look, "Um, are you a fool? Do you not know who I am? Man you are getting old. I am-" A sudden inexplicable pain hit my skull, forcing me to stop speaking and hold my head, saying every curse in the book. Chiron put his hand on my back for comfort but I flung it off and made a biting notion at him.

"A better question would be, 'Are you crazy?'" Dionysus grumbled under his breath. The pain faded away but on came memories of last night. What really went down. I fell back in my bed and rubbed my forehead.

"You have got to be kidding me…" I huffed. Chiron was about as confused as Hades when NASA announced Pluto wasn't a planet. Looks like I can't convince these guys I'm a goddess without having my head explode. I decided to be sneaky.

"Dionysus!" The wine god turned his head at me with faint interest. I shivered when his eyes hit mine. Great, now I'm affected by his gaze. What else, am I dyslexic as well?

"Do I…remind you of anybody? Anyone you're faintly familiar with?" He looked at me for a while, then got up and observed me from a different angle. I sat up straight and gave my best mischievous snarky face, the one I am famous for. Finally he sighed.

"Well, yes, but I can't seem to remember whom. Who ever it is, it's probably not an important god or goddess." I glared at him and crossed my arms. Chiron was still dumbstruck.

"How…who did you know his name?"

"Chiron, Chiron, Chiron…" I shook my head as if I was disappointed, but really I was trying to come up with an answer, "I am…a Hellenist. I could recognize a Greek god or a mighty hero trainer from a mile away! Dionysus, let me just say, I loved how you turn those sailors into dolphins. Classic."

The god actually cracked a smile. "I think I like you. What's your name again?"

I thought for a moment. "Kris, with a 'K'" I said with a smile. If someone doesn't figure that one out, I am screwed. "Please ignore all past comments. I thought I was somewhere else." Another idea popped in my head. "And I always ask that question to people, Mr. Dionysus. You see, I have expected one of my parents to be a Greek goddess because my dad didn't know my mom and I some unexplainable things have indeed happened to me. Yeah, it might sound crazy but…"

Chiron grinned like an imp and gave a look to Dionysus who had an impressed look.

"Finally, a smart camper." Dionysus got up from his chair and came over and put out his hand. I cordially took it, "Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, young demigod. I think you're going to like it here."

I got up from my seat on the bed and made my way to the window. Outside was a gorgeous view of morning. The sun was barely up and already campers were out tending to strawberry plants and getting their fight on. The smiles on their faces were so innocence and pure, like nothing could corrupt them, nothing could make them unhappy. Well, they haven't met me yet.

You see, I am a plotter. Even if I am not planning something, I watch for opportunities and see what I can make out of them. I can rise from the depth of despair and shame and make name for myself i.e. the Trojan War debacle. Before then I was a mere minor goddess of chaos and strife. Though I am still no Aphrodite, I strike fear into hearts. I bet Nemesis thought I would be so distraught and troubled with out my immorality I would not be able to take it. Wrong. I am going to twist this baby out of proportion. And yes, I will end back on top.

I turned back to the men. "I think I am going to like this place."

* * *

><p>We ventured outside and waited on the edge of the Big House. I was observing the on going of camp life. Apollo kids doing archery, Demeter kids gardening, Ares kids fighting…then I started to nod off. Man, where is the fun? If this is what happens everyday over and over again, something is going to go down.<p>

Chiron stepped out of his wheelchair and became the mystical centaur we all know and love. "Do you need anything, Kris? Hungry? Breakfast is being served about now. The nymphs make a wonderful-"

"Uh, can I just go to the bathroom?" I was interested in seeing what I looked like now that I am all "killable" and stuff.

Chiron nodded and pointed to a small building close by and above it was a sign that had Arts and Crafts written in Greek. Under it was English for the slower campers I guess…or Aphrodite's kids. "There are bathrooms in there. Hurry back quick! In the mean time I'll try to get a camper to give you a tour." I gave him the thumbs up and started walking down. I was halfway there when kids started looking my way. They didn't point or say anything, just stared. At least they weren't laughing. Then I would know I was ugly. Or maybe I am ugly, just not in a funny way. Like, devastatingly repulsive!

I arrived at the shop, shaking, and peaked in the door. It was a large room that could hold 200 people, but all that was there was a sleeping boy, face down on a painting. Sleeping. Paints. Alone. My hands started to twitch. My mind became a hurricane of devious plots, all childish and idiotic. My favorite. And just like that, a plot was spun.

By the time I was done, the boy looked like a rainbow threw up on him. Truly, a child of Iris would be jealous. On the table I wrote vulgar sentences and pictures in my slapdash handwriting. Making sure I didn't have a speck of paint on me, I finished my dirty work by putting the paintbrush in the poor boy's and made sure I painted a tiny golden apple on his cheek, my trademark.

It was not major sabotage, but it would do for then. Now to make my way to the bathroom. It was in a hallway near the door, with many stalls and mirror. I took a deep breath before stepping in front of the reflective glass. I told myself "You're beautiful no matter what. Even if not on the outside, you can still control people's minds and do whatever you want." I took a step and turned into the full body mirror.

Yes, I was gorgeous. Flawless pale skin, miraculous black eyes with a tint of crimson that could shock you and long flowing black hair. I was wearing a dark gray jacket and jeans. There was a slight bulge in my back so I suspected I still had wings. I looked hot, stunning, and perfect! Just one tiny little problem-The scarlet tribal tattoos that ran from the bottom of my eyes down to my neck. They were like lightning bolts that twisted and turned in every direction, like a very confusing racecar track. They separately went down my neck, merged, then made three, one down to my torso, the other to the arms. I franticly ripped off my jacket and pants and stood there only with my bra and undies and traced the lines as they swirled down my arms and legs. I looked like a freak, the jagged tattoos cutting deeper and deeper into my skin. I still had my wings but they were dull and scrawny. I could imagine Aphrodite and Nemesis laughing as they watched from above, thinking they had just won. Tears welled in my eyes. But in the haze I could see one thing. One thing that could make it all better.

My necklace. My golden apple necklace. Things were going to get a lot easier.

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